Sunday, May 16, 2004

The laundry room occupation

I am sure you have all heard about the west-bank, Palestinians vs Jews vs the world, etc. I think that as a gay Acadian man, I know a thing or two about genocide. I know what its like to be part of an oppressed people... But this whole squatting in the homeland gets me so riled up and pissed off... ARGH! Anyway, that's not what I want to talk about today. What I would like to talk about, is the two very retarded looking gentlemen who decided that they were going to occupy my dryer today. You will see how these two topics related later. Keep reading...

So, the events of the last few weeks, finishing my second graduate class, work, funeral, etc, have led me to forsake some of my activities of daily living. Laundry, dishwashing, carpet cleaning, bed making and sometimes deodorant wearing have had to make way for more pressing matters. So, now that things seem to have calmed down a little bit, I decreed Sunday, today, my catch up day. I even went through my stack of mail that was sitting on the microwaves (yes, with an "s" because there are 2 microwaves stacked neatly one over the other, long story).

I got started on my laundry ritual after 1 hour of washing dishes. No, they are not all done, I just got really bored of washing dishes. I proceeded to the closet of doom and tried to make 3 piles of clothes: dirty white clothes, dirty dark clothes and clean clothes. I then stuffed all the dirty clothes clothes into my laundry bag. My laundry bag is actually a blue US Postal Service M-Bag that has FOREIGN MAIL written across it. I hauled my M-Bag down to the laundry room and begun my laundry. The wash cycle ended and then I moved the clothes from the washer to the dryer. No incidents yet. You need to understand something about my laundry ritual. I have carefully studied the art of doing laundry, and I have fined tuned my skills so I know, how much laundry the dryer can support and dry correctly on a 1.25$.

So... 40 minutes pass, down I go to fetch my pail of laundry. I get down there, as expected, there is 5 minutes left to the cycle. So I wait patiently, breathing in the fresh laundry smell. Then... I see, what can only be described as the most retarded looking Jewish guys I have ever seen. Now, they are not retarded because they are Jewish, they just happen to be Jewish and retarded. So... I am the only who has been doing laundry that day, so I wonder why these empty handed bozos are heading my way. They are looking very sheepish, and seem to be perturbed by the fact that I am standing in front of my clothes. The events that then ensued can only be compared to an Armistead Maupin novel. The weirdest looking one of two (bugley eyes, big mouth, big nose, disproportionate body, and frazzled brown curly hair) approached and spoke : "Uhm, we borrowed your machine". Ok... What the hell is this moron talking about. I said : "What do you mean you borrowed my machine?" Then the genius's friend repeated "We borrowed your machine, can you get out of the way please?" I had a surge of panic flow from my toes to my brain as I watched the weirdoes bend over, stop the dryer cycle, and rummage though my work clothes to fetch out an old, dirty, disgusting looking shoulder bag. Ok... The big mouth of destruction open up and then I yelled "You can't put your shit in other people's laundry!" They turned around, thanked me and proceeded back to the elevator. OH MY GOD I WAS SO MAD. This is insane! My work clothes!!!!! Thank god they didn't shove into the whites... But then again... ITS A BUCK AND 25 CENTS. Cheap bastards.

So, from now on, I am going to sit on top of my laundry like a hen on her eggs.


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